Well I am back!
Hey guys, miss me?? Let me tell you, I for one am THANKFUL that 2014 is over.. HOLY, COW!! what a weird year.
The year started out with a disintegration of my job of over eight years. they put me down to 30 hours during the holidays. They told me it was only temporary. (Yeah Right!) THEN after the holiday they decided to make me part time at my office so now I was down another fourth of my pay for a grand total of half my pay gone. (In hind sight a blessing I foolishly didn't take advantage of at the time to get a freelance career going)
All that time off did give me time to get into my soaping hobby that I loved and I did get the opportunity to put my products in a local boutique that was starting up. My bestie and my youngest daughter and I put our wares in there in hopes to make a little side business for ourselves to make some extra money. Little did I know it was going to be so cliquey that I would later end up pulling out. Which I inevitably did in October.
During that time at the beginning of the year They decided to close the branch office. I was made oaware of that little fact on Valentines day just after my husband also lost his job of over 8 years due to a technicality. Regardless, we went on a nice sushi valentines day dinner to try to have some normal. He kept on about how at least I still had my job. I finally burst into tears and told him they were closing my office and that I was trying to wait till the next day so as not to ruin our valentines dinner.
He laughed and then I laughed because what else are you gonna do right? he said "what a pair we are Huh?" and hugged me and said somehow it would be alright. And it was. he got a great job at Orkin, which he loved and was doing well at. I finally got a job with an interior decorator for a lot less money but the hope that I could still make it with the side business.
Things leveled out for a while and my husband became the top seller very quickly. I learned everything I needed to know about my job and eventually got that so streamlined that I was not as busy as I liked at work but smartly kept quiet about it so I could keep as many hours as I could since she was fond of sending people home early if she felt they were being too idle.
I failed to mention that our middle child ended up moving her and her animals back into the house for a few months. That was stressful because our lifestyles clash and she was never home to take care of her animals thus laying the burden on her father and I. I won't go into a lot of detail here but it is safe to say she and I agree a hive cannot have two queens. She now has her own hive and we are both happy.
During the late part of spring just as we felt like everything was going well I get a call from my father who made me aware that they found a spot in mom's lungs. Now she had COPD for a while and we got her to switch from cigarettes to the vapor which helped her awful cough. I knew she would always have the COPD and that it would get worse as she got older but the news that would follow was devastating for me.
Dad called again a few weeks later after some tests were run and told me they are pretty sure it is cancer but not sure which kind. I cried. my guts knew what was to follow. I tried to be brave and put up a good face for everyone. My heart was so broken. I knew I was going to lose my mom and tho I was hopeful that a miracle would happen for her and my dad.
Graduation was coming so we focused on that. It kept my mind occupied. I kept vlogging as best I could but even that was less and less. I felt that my sorrow was too apparent in the vlog.
Dad called again before graduation and told me the bad news. Mom had small cell cancer but it was localized to one spot and hadn't spread. So there was a string of hope. A small string but for mom's sake and our own we clung to that string and prayed.
She did get to come to Erin's graduation for which we were all thankful. She was still able to get around fairly well but couldn't walk for long distances so she was in a wheel chair when we went out anywhere. But she still did her best to be as normal as possible. I could tell she was getting tired more than normal. I tried my best not to show my worry on my face.
I started calling her weekly after that. I think it may have annoyed her a bit. I couldn't help it tho. I was worried and I knew how she liked to make everything out to be less of a deal than it really was. My husband was such a trooper through all of this. I don't think he knows how thankful I am for his support.
During all of this, my job again was in jeopardy as the business owner I was working for was threatening to close her doors. Not wishing to have 2 boats sink from under me in a year I sought out work closer to home and found a job with a loan company a mile and a half from my home making 2 dollars more an hour than I was making.
Great news!! Right?? Sort of. While I was making more money,which allowed me to catch up from the loss I took at the prevous job (which for the record I really did like) the conditions in which I was to do my job were and continue to be the most ass backwards and stressful ones I have ever worked in. We have to make calls to debtors everyday. now I don't mean a few calls to different bunches of people everyday I mean calling hundreds of people everyday twice a day the SAME LIST! The first of which has to be done before anyone can go to lunch AND we have to still keep up with walkins who want to pay bills and/ or get a new loan.
I am SO very unhappy at this job however since the new GM has taken over things have been a bit better. I am thankful that she took over considering the things we were having to deal with in regards to mom. My hubby was being very supportive and encouraging towards me through all of this even though his job was becoming less than satisfactory now that they had a new admin that was costing him money by not doing his job.
Mid July we had a wonderful little blessing. My granddaughter Aurora Bell was born to my wonderful son and his beautiful wife. Things were going fairly well for the whole family. Stephen and his new little family were happy. our oldest daughter had attained her own new home with her bestie and was happier now as well. our youngest had graduated and was on her way to college. Mom was getting better.
Aside from our jobs being a pain in our asses again all seemed to be going along fairly well. I had been calling mom and dad to get updates on her progress with the intense treatments her doc was giving her. She was doing so well with it all with exception of her legs beginning to hurt her which the doc said was probably due to her treatment and not moving enough. She was having weakness and pain in her legs and arms.and had to be pushed in a wheelchair a lot more and helped to the bathroom.
I got another call she beat the cancer. It was gone completely but little did we know the treatments took their toll on her already deficient lungs as well as the cause of her atrophied muscles. She had COPD (before the cancer) and was on oxygen and with all the harsh chemo and radiation they bombarded her body with to get rid of the cancer, her lungs started to harden and her muscles were withering.
She had uncontrollable cramping and pain in her legs that send her to the hospital a few times where she ended up having respiratory failure. They would get her stabilized with breathing treatments and meds. Dad would call me and let me know what was going on.
By Thanksgiving she was on a CPAP permanently to breathe. Chris and I decided it would be best to make a trip to see her knowing in our hearts that this was probably the last time we would get to see her and secretly hoping we were wrong and that she would pull through. Erin went too but Bre couldn't take that much time off work. Stephen and his family were not financially able to go either. We left at night and I did all the driving. It was the only way to keep my mind off things. Also because I am somewhat of a control freak, a trait I believe I got from mom.
Mom was a tough old bird and she was very "spicy" as I like to call it when people are being feisty. Chris told dad that if anyone could fight through this she could. That made dad smile. Dad hadn't gotten to smile much the past few months. I could tell how grateful he was we were there. His tired eyes told the story of his journey the past few months. I watched him sleep and I could tell he was sleeping like he had been awake for days.
We had a good Thanksgiving day dinner with dad at Cracker Barrel where mom had worked. She told dad to take us there so who were we to disobey. LOL. We went to the hospital to see her and I told her that we had gone there and it was wonderful and what a good job the staff did. she smiled.
We went to the hospital and saw mom every day we were there. Seeing her on that machine was hard. It was forcing air into her lungs. She smiled at us from under her mask every time we showed up and hugged us so tight when we had to leave. We even Skyped with Stephen and his family so she could see him, her boy, and his family and the great grand children. I could tell it meant so much to her to see us all even tho she didn't get to see Bre. I assured her that she was fine and happy. She just wanted to see us all to make sure we were all happy and well. We were all grateful for that visit.
Dad is eternally grateful for the visit. You see he had been dealing with all of this himself for months. He was glad to see us and hug us and just have someone to talk with about anything but what was going on. Tho I did have a lot of questions that we talked about together when everyone else was asleep.
I took us all to the Memphis zoo while we were there. Dad seemed to enjoy the mental break and kept up really well on his new hips. He had them replaced a couple years ago before mom got sick. I think
Unfortunately we were right but thankfully we did get to see her when she could still interact with us. We had a good visit although I wish I could have stayed longer.
She lasted another week after that. It was almost like she was waiting to see that we were all okay before she was ready to let go. She and dad discussed it and she decided to let nature take it's course and get off the CPAP. she passed away in the middle of the night on December 8th around 2 am.
Dad called me the next day to let me know. I kind of already knew. I am very sad that she had to go but I am glad she isn't suffering any more. Dad is handling everything like a champ. I am sure he has his moments. All in all he is doing really well learning how to be just dad.
I am so glad 2014 is over. I am happy for the blessings. I am thankful it is 2015.
Wen
